The parenting books were stacked on the shelf. The advice from friends and family was plentiful. But when Brent’s youngest child began struggling with challenging behaviors, he found himself asking the same question most parents do: Am I handling this the right way? That’s when he signed up for a Circle of Security Parenting group.
Brent came in with an open mind but knew plenty of parents who wouldn’t. If you’ve ever hesitated at the idea of a parenting class, picturing a room full of judgment and a handout of rules, that’s not what this is.
“This course isn’t a loose collection of parenting tips,” he says. “It’s a new way to think about your kids’ needs and how to meet them.”
So what is it then?
Circle of Security Parenting is built around a reassuring message: your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. Recognizing where your child is on the circle and Being With in that moment is what matters. Sometimes children need a secure base that supports their exploration. Other times they need a safe haven, someone who can stay present through frustration, disappointment, fear, or excitement and help them make sense of those big feelings. It’s about noticing the need beneath the behavior and responding with connection.
When parents learn to read where their child is on the circle, behaviors that used to feel confusing or frustrating start to make sense.
“It demystified a lot of child behaviors,” Brent says, “and helped me identify and strengthen a lot of weak spots in my parenting.”
Shark Music
For Brent, everything came together during a conversation about something called Shark Music.
Picture a video of waves rolling onto a quite beach. Set it to gentle acoustic guitar and it feels peaceful. Now play that same footage with the theme from Jaws underneath. Same beach, same waves, and suddenly your whole body is bracing for danger. That’s shark music.
The background soundtrack from our own childhoods can start playing when our kids need something from us. If big emotions weren’t welcome in the home you grew up in, your child’s meltdown might set off an internal alarm that has nothing to do with the moment in front of you. Without realizing it, we can pull away, shut down, or hover, not because our child’s need is dangerous, but because it sounds dangerous to us.
“The shark music conversation really made the whole course make sense to me,” Brent says. “The course began to be about a self-examination of the parents’ own childhood experiences, and how to overcome those problems to prevent repeating unhealthy cycles.”
That reflection stayed with him long after the classes ended. “My parenting is a reflection of the way I was parented, so it’s a useful way to think about how to be a better parent to my own children.”
Learn more about Being-With and Shark Music from the video below:
What changed at home
Circle of Security Parenting describes the parent’s role as being a secure base your child can launch from and a safe haven they can return to. For Brent, that stopped being a concept and started being a Tuesday afternoon.
“I’ve been able to let my youngest explore and play confidently on his own, without hovering and interfering, but instead being a stable presence that he knows he can return to when he needs to.”
And that doesn’t just apply today, or for a week, or even a month. “As my children get older, I want them to always feel comfortable coming to me with any problems, celebrations, or feelings, without being afraid of being judged or dismissed. It’s important to set those patterns up early in life,” he says.
Room to be honest
Brent’s group brought together families raising autistic children, giving parents with shared experiences a chance to connect.
“We quickly opened up to each other and felt comfortable sharing challenges and successes,” Brent says. “Early on, I shared parenting stories I had never told anyone before other than my partner, because I knew I would be supported.”
Join a group
Circle of Security Parenting is completely free, with dinner and childcare provided. Groups meet weekly for 8 weeks and are open to parents and caregivers of children ages 2 months to 6 years. We offer groups in both English and Spanish, with upcoming sessions starting in September 2026 in West Asheville.
You don’t have to be a “parenting group person.” You just have to be a parent who wonders: what is my child really asking for?
Add your name to the interest list and a facilitator will be in touch!
